Webcast Chapter 2 references to children, parenting

Children Learn “I” and Identify with Toys

On page 28 of A New Earth, Eckhart wrote:
When a young child learns that a sequence of sounds produced by the parents’ vocal cords is his or her name, the child begins to equate a word, which in the mind becomes a thought, with who he or she is. At that stage, some children refer to themselves in the third person. “Johnny is hungry.” Soon after, they learn the magic word “I” and equate it with their name, which they have already equated with who they are. Then other thoughts come and merge with the original I-thought. The next step are thoughts of me and mine to designate things that are somehow part of “I”. This identification with objects, which means investing things, but ultimately thoughts that represent things, with a sense of self, thereby deriving an identity from them. When “my” toy breaks or is taken away, intense suffering arises. Not because of any intrinsic value that the toy has — the child will soon lose interest in it, and it will be replaced by other toys, other objects — but because of the thought of “mine.” The toy became part of the child’s developing sense of self, of “I.”

And so as the child grows up, the original I-thought attracts other thoughts to itself: It becomes identified with a gender, possessions, the sense-perceived body, a nationality, race, religion, profession. Other things the “I” identifies with are roles — mother, father, husband, wife, and so on — accumulated knowledge or opinions, likes and dislikes, and also things that happened to “me” in the past, the memory of which are thoughts that further define my sense of self as “me and my story.” [Please refer to your book, page 29, for the rest of this passage, which now focuses back on adults]

TEENAGERS EXPERIENCE INTENSE WANTING

On page 47 Eckhart wrote:
Unease, restlessness, boredom, anxiety, dissatisfaction, are the result of unfulfilled wanting. Wanting is astructural, so no amount of content can provide lasting fulfillment as long as that mental structure remains in place. Intense wanting that has no specific object can often be found in the still-developing ego of teenagers, some of whom are in a permanent state of negativity and dissatisfaction.

[Katia (that’s me!) wrote in the margin: “Teen angst is healthy in some ways. It compels young people eventually out of the nest, to forge their own identity separate from their parents.” Katia writes: Research has shown teen brains are wired for hostility and to assume hostility from others until about the age 25 when the pre-frontal cortex is finally finished developing. Our human brain is then completely mature. It takes a quarter century! The hostility mechanism comes in at puberty and doesn’t fade until age 25, the curious age insurance companies allow young drivers to finally be charged as adults. Some adults are wired for hostility well into their sunset years, however… the hostility thing doesn’t always mature itself out of existence!]